34 thoughts on “The “ick” as described by people with avoidant attachment |”
The ick is an underlying depletion of Oxytocin in avoidants, catalysed by a Dopamine.deficit in the moment – which they then run away from. .It’s totally biological imo..
My partner sat me down & told me this was who I was. I had no idea this was a thing. For decades I’ve struggled to find the right vocabulary. I’m very grateful he was patient with me, this time at least. It is tortuous though. You really have to put in the work closing the wounds & I’ve never been so uncomfortable and been in so much pain in my entire life as I work through it
I can tell you what it is. When my phone keeps going off, or they keep calling, that drives me NUTS. I will cut it right off, and never talk to them again.
I'm not going to lie to you, if you're like this, you're a horrible person and honestly you're just insecure that if people get too close they will find out how much of a lost cause you really are. Shouldn't be this hard to love and treat people right. It's hard for the "avoidant," because they're not of God and have "icks" to everything that is christlike.
Say it with me, worst people ever. They run from everyone because they're insecure about themselves so they judge people for every little thing and create excuses to push away. They just want to hop, skip, jump arouns with no attachments.
These people need to be held criminally accountable for the damage they do in relationships. All about them and their discomfort, nothing about the other person on the other side of this suffering. They react with disgust to other people’s closeness- in reality they’re the ones who are disgusting.
Why make the whole world responsible for your childhood or your mistakes? Maybe just avoid relationships. I’m tired of being hurt by people who look for excuses to run rather than face their feelings and grow.
It doesn't warn them of shit… It gets triggered by anything normal because their parents were lost and volatile fucks who should have gotten their shit together before they had kids instead of fighting, screaming, blaming, shaming, and abusing their children. Now their kids have grown up to lure people in with false promises (regardless of love) then leave and unconsciously regurgitate the same patterns in their lives until they get old and wonder why they are alone.
Ignore their low effort text. They will reach about again about 10 days after their last text- probably overtly like pretending they sent a text to you by mistake. Ignore that one. Then… if you want to re-engage, wait a couple of days. No apology- you’ve been busy and just getting around to responding. No thanks for reaching out, no asking them a follow up question- just hope you’re good, too, or whatever they sent. Be unbothered. Don’t accuse, just let them believe that you don’t care. Be kind, but not overly friendly. If they text back… time your replies the same distance as theirs. And then… pull away from the convo and let them know you’re stepping into something and “we can catch up later”. You want it to sound like you’re on a date. Do not text them the rest of the evening. They will text you close to bed time to see if you’re still with someone… maybe ask what you stepped into. “Oh, I just had a lovely evening out. I hope your evening/trio etc is going well. Good night.” End it. Let them sit on that for a couple of days.
It might take awhile for them to text back, so you can engage. It needs to be that you’re evaluating them though, and not waiting. Lowkey call out their poor behavior.
I don't know why avoidant attachment get the bad rep. But then it only make sense because that is how the avoidant attachment is created. Your hand on a hot stove. Are you going to doing again? No, you learn how to use the stove, you need it in daily life duh. but you're not putting your hands on the stove. But everyone is screaming and judging for not putting your hand on the hot stove. So one time we Adovedant finally makes the attempt just to shut you up to put the hand on the stove. And guess what it burns. Why?? Heat, fire is never going to change. Only you can be smart to DON'T TOUCH THE D@MN STOVE. And avoidant is a spetrum. Being avoidant teaches you to learn to look before you jump. Alot of bad people don't think they bad people, will never acknowledge they are bad people. But the attachment taught to think…am I bad person…huh I should fix that. But other don't have that vision. Avoidant attachment isn't a negative thing. It's insanely positive. It everyone else who scramble, kisses the b00ty, falls in line, the yes man, that get frustrated with you. But for what? All your doing is sitting on a couch reading a book doing a puzzle. All you know hmm a club sounds dangerous and too many people so I can't properly keep myself safe. No Thank you. Relationships take a long time. People these people who whole-heartedly believe they are great. Droped alot of red flags the hadn't notice. And you know there is no use engaging or helping a pers9n who doesn't want it. Even one has their price, and it's always you. An avoidant attachment person the the Narcissists BIGGEST threat will always bebthe scapegoat. Because we them, but we don't say anything, but we also don't react, don't engage. There is nothing wrong with an avoidant attachment personality. And I commenting to tell you, don't let anyone gaslight you. You trust your gut. Your gut will alwqys be right. They'll make you think you lock everyone but you know it's not true, have the very you can call. It is a gaslight to make you doubt yourself. But if you reall are avoidant attached. You already know this.
I got the ick from my avoidant ex and I gave him and myself permanent freedom. Sorry, but go fix your issues before dragging me in your troubles and causing attachment wounds for me 😢
I was friends with an avoidant. I think the ick wasn't there early on due to her frequently smoking weed. But take that away and she totally changed. I feel like her normal self wouldn't have been so open.
whenether i try to use dating apps I always feel anxious from the amount of attention and pressure from people trying to chat with me. I really want to try and meet people, but I get too overwhelmed all the time. i want to go out, date and explore relationships but I don't know how to start and deal with potential weirdos or uncomfortable conversations lol
Avoidants are Temu secure partners 😂 They look secure at first (honeymoon stage), but then you finally open the shiny packaging (begin to attach) to reveal: arrogance, judgement, contempt, indifference, emotional unavailability, gaslighting, intentional lying by omission, straight up lying, etc.
When you intuitively sense that “get away” feeling in the Avoidant, the honeymoon phase is over. The only thing coming next is emotional damage, so that’s your cue to leave. Ghost them before they ghost you & do the world a favor by turning an Avoidant anxious — forcing them feel & potentially go to therapy.
I just thought of something hilarious. When I first started dating my DA ex He kept using the 😬 face in response to texts. I said why are you making that face? He said it's smiling. I was like no this is smiling 😁. Yours is more cringe. But maybe he was being accurate. He was actually cringing and response to cutesy or emotional messages. Ha!
Thian Sia Yeng, wo dzao na neun yang me bu roy doa biand. Loon siang f'ind, er dan neun siang yaun. Dae han nuach yang sao Dear Sia Dr, i find that they are not easy to understand, We want closeness they want distance, Love and patience brings closeness They are precious❤😘🌷🌸❤
The ick is an underlying depletion of Oxytocin in avoidants, catalysed by a Dopamine.deficit in the moment – which they then run away from. .It’s totally biological imo..
Don't care. Dle alone then, you absolute nightmare people.
My partner sat me down & told me this was who I was. I had no idea this was a thing. For decades I’ve struggled to find the right vocabulary. I’m very grateful he was patient with me, this time at least. It is tortuous though. You really have to put in the work closing the wounds & I’ve never been so uncomfortable and been in so much pain in my entire life as I work through it
Grow up and say something. 😬
I can tell you what it is. When my phone keeps going off, or they keep calling, that drives me NUTS. I will cut it right off, and never talk to them again.
I've realized that my DIL has an avoidant personality. I'm very warm and expressive. Oh no.
They are like the Grinch they are hurt and are ick by loving gesture
They don’t have the ick when they can have sex
I'm not going to lie to you, if you're like this, you're a horrible person and honestly you're just insecure that if people get too close they will find out how much of a lost cause you really are. Shouldn't be this hard to love and treat people right. It's hard for the "avoidant," because they're not of God and have "icks" to everything that is christlike.
Say it with me, worst people ever. They run from everyone because they're insecure about themselves so they judge people for every little thing and create excuses to push away. They just want to hop, skip, jump arouns with no attachments.
This dude gives me the "ick" and I don't have any of these labels
These people need to be held criminally accountable for the damage they do in relationships. All about them and their discomfort, nothing about the other person on the other side of this suffering. They react with disgust to other people’s closeness- in reality they’re the ones who are disgusting.
Fearful avoidant here. I feel it when the person I like is too close.
I get the ick after intercourse.
Why make the whole world responsible for your childhood or your mistakes? Maybe just avoid relationships. I’m tired of being hurt by people who look for excuses to run rather than face their feelings and grow.
It doesn't warn them of shit… It gets triggered by anything normal because their parents were lost and volatile fucks who should have gotten their shit together before they had kids instead of fighting, screaming, blaming, shaming, and abusing their children. Now their kids have grown up to lure people in with false promises (regardless of love) then leave and unconsciously regurgitate the same patterns in their lives until they get old and wonder why they are alone.
Ignore their low effort text. They will reach about again about 10 days after their last text- probably overtly like pretending they sent a text to you by mistake. Ignore that one. Then… if you want to re-engage, wait a couple of days. No apology- you’ve been busy and just getting around to responding. No thanks for reaching out, no asking them a follow up question- just hope you’re good, too, or whatever they sent. Be unbothered. Don’t accuse, just let them believe that you don’t care. Be kind, but not overly friendly. If they text back… time your replies the same distance as theirs. And then… pull away from the convo and let them know you’re stepping into something and “we can catch up later”. You want it to sound like you’re on a date. Do not text them the rest of the evening. They will text you close to bed time to see if you’re still with someone… maybe ask what you stepped into. “Oh, I just had a lovely evening out. I hope your evening/trio etc is going well. Good night.” End it. Let them sit on that for a couple of days.
It might take awhile for them to text back, so you can engage. It needs to be that you’re evaluating them though, and not waiting. Lowkey call out their poor behavior.
Just leave these damaged ppl alone. They aren’t worth your psychic energy
Im diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder.
after a while the partner gets the permanent “ick” 😂😂
Gross. People who take a person’s love and affection for granted don’t deserve a loving partner.
I don't know why avoidant attachment get the bad rep. But then it only make sense because that is how the avoidant attachment is created. Your hand on a hot stove. Are you going to doing again? No, you learn how to use the stove, you need it in daily life duh. but you're not putting your hands on the stove. But everyone is screaming and judging for not putting your hand on the hot stove. So one time we Adovedant finally makes the attempt just to shut you up to put the hand on the stove. And guess what it burns. Why?? Heat, fire is never going to change. Only you can be smart to DON'T TOUCH THE D@MN STOVE. And avoidant is a spetrum. Being avoidant teaches you to learn to look before you jump. Alot of bad people don't think they bad people, will never acknowledge they are bad people. But the attachment taught to think…am I bad person…huh I should fix that. But other don't have that vision. Avoidant attachment isn't a negative thing. It's insanely positive. It everyone else who scramble, kisses the b00ty, falls in line, the yes man, that get frustrated with you. But for what? All your doing is sitting on a couch reading a book doing a puzzle. All you know hmm a club sounds dangerous and too many people so I can't properly keep myself safe. No Thank you. Relationships take a long time. People these people who whole-heartedly believe they are great. Droped alot of red flags the hadn't notice. And you know there is no use engaging or helping a pers9n who doesn't want it. Even one has their price, and it's always you. An avoidant attachment person the the Narcissists BIGGEST threat will always bebthe scapegoat. Because we them, but we don't say anything, but we also don't react, don't engage. There is nothing wrong with an avoidant attachment personality. And I commenting to tell you, don't let anyone gaslight you. You trust your gut. Your gut will alwqys be right. They'll make you think you lock everyone but you know it's not true, have the very you can call. It is a gaslight to make you doubt yourself. But if you reall are avoidant attached. You already know this.
I got the ick from my avoidant ex and I gave him and myself permanent freedom. Sorry, but go fix your issues before dragging me in your troubles and causing attachment wounds for me 😢
I was friends with an avoidant. I think the ick wasn't there early on due to her frequently smoking weed. But take that away and she totally changed. I feel like her normal self wouldn't have been so open.
whenether i try to use dating apps I always feel anxious from the amount of attention and pressure from people trying to chat with me. I really want to try and meet people, but I get too overwhelmed all the time. i want to go out, date and explore relationships but I don't know how to start and deal with potential weirdos or uncomfortable conversations lol
Basically being genuine and cheesy
Who cares? Mental people best to avoid with all ther wounds and insecurities – try to find a normal one
Avoidants are Temu secure partners 😂 They look secure at first (honeymoon stage), but then you finally open the shiny packaging (begin to attach) to reveal: arrogance, judgement, contempt, indifference, emotional unavailability, gaslighting, intentional lying by omission, straight up lying, etc.
When you intuitively sense that “get away” feeling in the Avoidant, the honeymoon phase is over. The only thing coming next is emotional damage, so that’s your cue to leave. Ghost them before they ghost you & do the world a favor by turning an Avoidant anxious — forcing them feel & potentially go to therapy.
I just thought of something hilarious. When I first started dating my DA ex He kept using the 😬 face in response to texts. I said why are you making that face? He said it's smiling. I was like no this is smiling 😁. Yours is more cringe. But maybe he was being accurate. He was actually cringing and response to cutesy or emotional messages. Ha!
If relationships and intimacy give you the ick… Kindly stay the fuck out of the dating pool. Thanks, avoidant nightmares.
Y'all need to grow TF up.
Why avoidants feel scary and uncomfortable of closeness?
Thian Sia Yeng, wo dzao na neun yang me bu roy doa biand. Loon siang f'ind, er dan neun siang yaun. Dae han nuach yang sao
Dear Sia Dr, i find that they are not easy to understand, We want closeness they want distance, Love and patience brings closeness They are precious❤😘🌷🌸❤